Homogenised definition: ‘Subject [a substance] to a process in which the fat droplets are emulsified and the cream does not separate’.
Jumping on the ‘Gravy’ train Biggie Smalls created in the 90’s, ‘Notorious’ rapper Gravy is in New Zealand performing as Biggie for $35 a ticket. He is in Auckland tonight, but beware, Gravy feels like an imposter feeding off the phat Biggie built in the 90’s.
Promised a party Biggie would have been proud of, punters packed into Bodega on a quiet Tuesday night ready to party.
Young cats who’d clearly seen Notorious [the movie], wearing COMMES de FUCKDOWN T-Shirts, Timbos and RED lipstick were star struck at the sight of Gravy.
‘Maybe they think he IS Biggie’ my flatmate suggested. I braced myself for what felt like a heartbreaking blow to come.
And it was. For someone who’s loved Hip Hop since before the real Biggie got shot I tried not to cry. But my face said it all.
“Bullshit and party, bullshit and party”, Gravy chanted. I found myself at the back with Swerv1 and Juse1 screaming ‘It’s party and bullshit you fucken asshole.’
Now I was angry. There could be no way this fulla would get away with this in Brooklyn. It’s insulting they sent him to little old Wellington and tried to sell him as ‘real Hip Hop’.
I am not a Diddy fan but I’d enjoy seeing him ‘mind fuck’ Gravy into some manners. At least sue his ass.
“I’m gonna go tell him he’s whack,” Juse told Swerv. Suddenly my anger subsided and there was a silver lining.
Man no offense to the promoters but…SERIOUSLY?
Rapping, not even to instrumentals, but over Biggie tracks, Gravy had the club scouted for young ‘hot’ girls to be taken downstairs pre-show. More concerned about girls who thought he was the real deal, he couldn’t even rap whole verses, allowing the track to carry him through the mess.
Wellington is better than this. This shit should not happen again.
Next time just invest in a Biggie hologram. Straight up.