Vomit & Cheese: Hangover Burgers

Faded memories of last night’s blow out are apt brought back through taste for me. This post is about how combinations of sleep and vomit-breath have proven to go well together with bread and cheese..just hear me out. Obviously, these are not flavours you’d intentionally recreate, but rather experience as the moment happens to you.

Hungover burgers, when they have been sat in a paper bag, pre-passing out, will leave you in a blissfully euphoric state; as all that sugar leaves your system, these morsels are the best primer for avoiding a terrible headache.

LIST:

1. FALAFEL KEBAB, SQUASHED AND COLD(If you dont have a favourite kebab shop you really need to re-assess your life).

Recommended eaten after your first hangover nap.

2. WHITE LADY FOOD TRUCK, AUCKLAND CBD

After a night of clubbing in 2014, involving whiskey and tequila shots, together, I woke up in my friend’s studio apartment on a futon mattress raised by wooden crates. Friend, missing. Me, a string of dribble connecting my face to the pillow. Registering consciousness, I run to the bathroom, then vomit so hard my stomach acid turns the toilet a Raro-coloured, yellowish/green.

I fall back on the bed and return my focus to the wooden-floored apartment, hidden above a Chinese grocer.

Watching the long, white linen curtains sway gently with the soft Auckland breeze, I followed the view down the five-meter curtain which extended to the polished floor; so lush, it settled on the floor boards like a heavy dress. There I spot my burger thrown next to my boots. 

Biting into the burger, 3/4s the size of my face, I found vomit and cheese. Gross, but truly blissful. 

3. BURGER BRO – UBER EATS HAMILTON 

These guys have a menu that proves they love burgers, and bacon. A perfect hangover solution you can sink your mouth into when you’re in Hillcrest, the fries also come with the good aioli. Living through Covid aftershocks, Uber Eats is still the food court of choice for me. Having just lived in Wairarapa, a rural town that will probably wait FOREVER for the thought of the service, in 2020 I Iove ordering what I want from the comfort of my bed. Must try when you’re in the 07.

4. LAST NIGHT’S PIZZA

Perfectly classic, but not to be overlooked is THE iciest, cardboard-cheese snack, suitable for characters like Virginia Loc.

The Diva from Claws declared, “I don’t like pizza. I don’t eat hot foods,” …but, one must ask if she had tried it cold.

In this moment, sweet bursts of capsicum pulp squirt into your mouth – the sweetest surprise when you didnt realise there would be any flavour at all. Recommended on a thin, stretched crust from Sal’s or Hells washed down with iced-Keri juice. It’s a smoking-writers’ go-to. 

5. Lastly, the dinner you made last night.

This is a crispy chicken burger. To be honest, eating out is (or should be) a great adventure and convenient, but there seriously is sometimes, nothing better than a meal you put together yourself with love.

Crispy Chicken Burger :

  • Hand crumbled breast chicken pieces 
  • Marinade (Sweet chilli sauce, soy sauce, egg).
  • Gherkin
  • Asian slaw
  • Rocket
  • Burger sauce 
  • Cheese (I found Camembert in our fridge).
  • Nando’s sauce… My ex-flatmate had a gang of them stashed in the cutlery draw, if your house isn’t that lit, improvise.
  • Hamburger buns, ciabatta works

So first you need music. Whatever your vibes are, personally IAMDDB End of the World is playing in my head.

To crumb your chicken: Use egg, sweet chilli sauce, soya sauce. Watch podcasts and prepare the slaw while the meat soaks for a bit. Coat the chicken with breadcrumbs. Heat pan with oil, be generous with oil. On a low heat fry the crumbed chicken, turning often so breadcrumbs brown nicely. Make burger with cheese, sauce, slaw, rocket.

Feast.

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